Why loneliness is the biggest curse for the elderly

By Dibya Prakash

I lost one of my distant relatives last month who was 75. He went through a traumatic phase of life wherein his better half left for the heavenly abode four years ago. The agony multiplied because he had no children. Despite our efforts to comfort him in his loneliness, he somehow remained distant and unable to form connections with anyone including his neighbourhood.

His passing away left me to ponder about the probable reasons that could have led to a toll on his mental health, and eventually his untimely death.

I reflected on the reasons for his loneliness and could gather three main reasons that might have transpired; the lack of support from his extended family, his limited effort to build a strong social circle, and his mindset that others too should endeavour to reach out and spend time with him.

This is not just the story of my relative, but of thousands of elderly people who feel the pain of loneliness in their hearts. Their hearts ache for companionship, and if they lose their partner, survival becomes very difficult for them. It is an inevitable fact that one of them will leave the folds of the life before the other, making the need for emotional support even more critical.

Times have changed. In India, not only Generation X but also the Baby Boomers have shifted their focus to their immediate families—husband, wife, and children. This shift in family structure began with them. Now that they have grown old, Baby Boomers are experiencing loneliness because they miss the support of the extended family that was a vital part of their childhood but is now absent.

A psychosocial issue
Loneliness is a psychosocial issue that can affect anyone, regardless of their age or situation, but it has become particularly serious among the elderly. Loneliness reflects the dissatisfaction an individual feels about the frequency and closeness of their social contacts, or the gap between the relationships they have and the relationships they desire.

Discussing mental health issues like loneliness is very important for the elderly, as these issues can significantly impact their overall health. According to the World Health Organization, health is a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being, not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. While we often talk about the physical health of the elderly and emphasize the care they need, we frequently overlook their mental health.

Some factors that commonly create loneliness among the elderly include changes in family structure, declining health, no longer being the center of their family, leaving the workforce, losing spouses and friends, and facing disability or illness.

Family structures in India have changed significantly, with traditional joint families being replaced by nuclear families. Reasons include moving away for work, education, medical facilities, and livelihood. Many also prefer avoiding interference, believing joint family living compromises privacy. Family involvement is crucial for elderly support, autonomy, and care quality, helping them feel more supported, fulfilled, and loved.

Though family plays a crucial role in everyone’s life, it’s essential to build a parallel social circle of friends and well-wishers. Often, we get so involved with our immediate family that we neglect to develop a social life. As we grow older and our children become busy with their own families, we may feel dejected and lonely. Therefore, having good friends is very important.

Have a purpose in life
Additionally, everyone should have a purpose in life. Age is just a number, and you can live your dreams at any stage. After retirement, pursue the things you couldn’t do while building your career, raising your family, and caring for your parents. This applies to women, too, especially housewives, whose work never really ends. We all have one life, and every single day should be lived fully. Embrace a positive mindset to live for yourself without expecting anything in return. This might be challenging, especially after giving so much and feeling it’s time to receive. However, as Buddha said, “Expectation is the root cause of every suffering.” So, focus on your own well-being and try not to expect.

Start reconnecting with your old friends. Social media platforms like Facebook can help you find them, and trust me, reconnecting with them will make you feel young and energetic again. Additionally, try to go out for walks and connect with local groups at nearby parks, temples, or tea stalls for casual chit-chat on a routine basis. Create a WhatsApp group and be a support system for each other. Share your happiness and pain, but never keep anything bottled up inside.

For caregivers, a simple suggestion is to just be there to listen, as this can help your loved one feel less lonely. Actively engage them in conversation, ask questions, and encourage them to express themselves. It might not be easy at first, but your willingness to learn will go a long way. Develop a plan that shows them their wisdom is still valued. Delegate tasks and responsibilities to them, and encourage them to stay physically and socially active. They need your love & support, and not your sympathy.

Let’s ensure that the elderly, not only in our families but also in our society, receive the emotional support they need. Each day offers a chance to make a difference in their lives, reminding them that they are valued, loved, and not alone. Through concerted efforts, we can create a supportive environment that enriches their golden years. After all, one day we too will be elderly and will seek similar support.

(The column Metamorph with Dibya appears every Friday.)

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