From daily hugs to yearly visits: Life after kids move out

 

Kushal Pal Singh, 69, retired General Manager, Bajaj Appliances

1. How do you navigate everyday life since your children moved abroad?

A. Life in India with my wife and daughter continues much as it always has, even with my son now living abroad in Canada. The only difference now is that I am retired. Yet, my morning and evening walks have become my new occupation. I wake up early, freshen up, embark on my walk, return for a bath, and offer my prayers, embracing the rhythm of each day.

2. When you need support whether it’s emotional, financial or health related what do you rely on? Have you built any support system in the absence of your children?

A. Financially, we are fortunate. The agricultural land in our village and the two rented rooms in our house provide ample support for our needs. My wife and daughter are also here, offering their unwavering support. However, no amount of financial stability can fill the void left by a cherished loved one, especially your own child. That emotional impact is profound. When I dwell on it, a familiar ache often settles in. I know he is building his life, moving forward, yet I yearn for his presence. No one, truly, can ever take his place.

3. How do you maintain your connections with your children and what do these connections mean emotionally to you?

A. I speak with my son almost every week, always mindful of his 8-10 hour shifts and the significant time difference. He has his own family now, a household to manage, and many responsibilities. I understand that extensive conversations aren’t always possible, and I respect that. While video calls bridge some of the distance, they can never fully replace the warmth of an in-person conversation. Yet, I am grateful for these interactions.

4. How have your connections with your friends, relatives or neighbors changed once your children moved abroad? How have they contributed towards your sense of well-being and belonging in your life today?

Love without borders: Learning to life with life when kids settle abroadAs one grows older, the connections with extended family and relatives can sometimes fray. Our own lives and families demand our attention, and so do theirs. Maintaining these relationships becomes a challenge. This has taught me to deeply value and respect those who remain close. My visits to the park, once just a pastime, have blossomed into meaningful friendships. The people I met there have become a surrogate family, offering a new kind of companionship that enriches my days.

5. How often do you visit your children? What is the duration of such visits? How do you spend your time during such visits?

A. It has been about three and a half years since my son moved to Canada, and I haven’t had the chance to visit him yet. I had planned a trip, but heavy snowfall forced a postponement. I’m hoping to revisit the plan in April. When I do visit him, I’m hoping to have a fun trip and will gladly go wherever they take me; I’m really excited to meet them all. The thought of seeing him, my daughter-in-law, and especially my grandson, “Gukku,” fills me with an overwhelming excitement. I miss Gukku perhaps even more than my son sometimes; he brings back vivid memories of my son’s childhood, a sweet wave of nostalgia washing over me.

*****

Mr. Muralidhar Bhatt, 80,  retired from Assam Rifles.

1. How do you navigate everyday life, since your children moved out?

A. My days are built around a simple, comforting routine. I start early, greeting the morning with light stretches, a cup of tea, and the newspaper. The bulk of my day is spent on small household chores, prayer, watching television, or chatting with my neighbors. While it can get lonely at times, I always find ways to keep myself occupied. I have learned to manage things independently, often with the helpful hand of a nearby housemaid.

2. When you need support whether it’s emotional, financial or health related what do you rely on? Have you built any support system in the absence of your children?

3. I am fortunate to have a strong support system. For emotional support, I regularly connect with my children through phone or video calls. Even short conversations make a big difference. Financially, my children provide ample support, so I have no worries on that front.

When it comes to health issues, I rely on a local clinic, and a kind neighbor is always there to assist during emergencies. Beyond that, I have cultivated a wonderful bond with friends from the temple; they frequently check in on me, which means a lot.

4. How do you maintain your connections with your children and what do these connections mean emotionally to you?

A. My children and I speak at least once or twice a week, and my grandchildren often join our video calls. These calls are truly the highlight of my week. Hearing their voices and seeing their faces fills me with strength and peace. While I deeply miss their physical presence, I am incredibly proud of them and feel loved when they remember me on special occasions.

Q. How have your connections with your friends, relatives or neighbors changed once your children moved abroad? How have they contributed towards your sense of well-being and belonging in your life today?

A. After my children moved, I naturally began spending more time with my neighbors and nearby relatives. Many of them regularly invite me over for tea, which is a lovely way to connect. I also meet a few elderly friends at the park or temple, and we share our thoughts and experiences. This local support system is invaluable and it keeps me going and significantly reduces any feelings of loneliness. They have truly become like an extended family to me.

5. How often do you visit your children? What is the duration of such visits? How do you spend your time during such visits?

A. I have visited my children a couple of times in the past. At my age, the train journey is quite long and tiring, so I don’t go as often as I would like. When I do visit, I stay for about 10 to 12 days. During these visits, I love helping them around the house, cooking some of our traditional dishes, and going for walks with the family. Those times bring back the warmth of family life, and I always return home with a heart full of beautiful memories.

*****

Mr Sukh Darshna Nand Sharma, 61, retired from private firm

1. How do you navigate everyday life since your children moved abroad? 

A: It didn’t make much of a difference to be honest since my son used to live in a hostel before he moved abroad. Before my retirement, I was mostly occupied with work; and, after retirement, I have picked up a life of discipline and routine with scheduled morning and evening walks, half an hour of gym training, etc.

2. When you need support, whether it’s emotional, financial, or health-related, what do you rely on? Have you built any support system in the absence of your children?

A. I feel fortunate that even after my son moved abroad, he has maintained good relations with us. So be it emotional, financial, or looking after our health needs, he always ensures a helping hand. I also made some smart financial decisions while working, so my retirement is well covered. Also, my wife and I maintain good health through disciplined eating habits and regular exercise.

3. How do you maintain your connections with your children, and what do these connections mean emotionally to you?

A. My son would usually call us twice a day, so we are emotionally quite ok and feel well-connected with our son.

4. How have your connections with your friends, relatives, or neighbours changed since your children moved abroad? How have they contributed towards your sense of well-being and belonging in your life today? 

A. I think despite our son’s best efforts to be emotionally present for us, there is still some gap we feel regarding his absence. So overall I think we have developed stronger bonds with our friends, relatives, and neighbours to fill this gap. And, yes, our overall well-being has enhanced with our friends and their families more involved in our lives.

5. How often do you visit your children? What is the duration of such visits? How do you spend your time during such visits?

A. We usually visit my son abroad once in 2-3 years, but he visits us twice a year. When we travel abroad, it would usually be for around 3-4 weeks. As for how we spend our time, we usually spend quite a lot of time together which involves taking walks, eating dinner, playing cards, etc. together as one family.

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