The pain of watching your grandparents age, become frail, helpless

By Anoushka Saxena

“Meri haddiyon ne ab javaab de diya hai. Ab main zyada chalna-firna nahi kar paaoongi, beta.” (My bones have given up now. I don’t think I can walk around that easily, child.)

One of the most heartbreaking moments in the journey of elderly care is when your old parents or grandparents remark that their body is slowly giving up and that they feel incapable of moving freely like they used to before.

You try your best to push this thought away.

You nudge.

You toss and turn and console them that they are still full of energy, to the best of your ability, but in vain.

To see your loved ones grow old, right in front of your eyes is a very heart-wrenching sight to behold.

Reminiscing the days when your father showed you the whole city around on his shoulders and realising that his shoulders are now too weak to even carry a tiny sling bag, you grow up.

In between, rushing from school to home just so you can jump into your mom’s lap to coming home from office and feeling the gentle touch of her wrinkled hands caressing your cheeks, you grow up.

Your grandparents, who once ran after you as you took the whole house by storm, seeing them lying in one corner of the bed, counting their last days, you start questioning why you even had to grow up in the first place.

Only so you could witness their plight?

While ageing is inevitable, adequate elderly care can certainly reduce the intensity of the elderly’s battle with it.

What the youth have to say

Since it is the youth who shall actively support elderly care, three young individuals were asked about their views on ageing and the quality of their bond with their ageing grandparents.

Aanchal Bhargava, an 18-year-old B-Tech student, and Radhika Gupta, an 18-year-old Journalism & Mass Communication student grew up in a joint family setting.

Both share an inseparable bond with their respective grandmothers.

Reflecting on her bond with her grandma, Aanchal said, “I truly cherish my relationship with her. Right from the day I opened my eyes, and till date, she has been both my source of strength and inspiration.”

Aanchal believes that if there is anything about winning that she knows of, it is because her grandmother has always stressed on never running away from working hard.

Radhika shares a similar bond with her grandma.

She says, “Growing up in a joint family, I shared an intimate bond with both my grandparents, especially with my grandma. I often did night stays with her whenever she fell ill.”

Radhika and her grandmom really bond well over politics. So, she would make sure to keep her busy, always striking up conversations about recent political developments to keep her distracted from her illness.

On the contrary, Aliza Ashraff, an 18-year-old, Journalism & Mass Communication student, grew up in a nuclear family.

She reminisces visiting her grandparents who live in Odisha and bonding with them over old TV serials.

“My Nana-Jaan (maternal grandfather) and I would have such a blast together. He would always insist on massaging my head with coconut oil. Oh, how I miss those good old days!”

How elderly care can be improved

When asked about their suggestions on how elderly care can be improved, Aanchal said, “As our loved ones age, they seek solace in the company of like-minded people, so it would be a nice option to bring all the elderly people together and provide them an outlet to share their concerns with one another.”

Aliza stresses on the fact that in India there still lies a large scope of improvement in terms of access to healthcare resources for the elderly.

She says, “Even though we are a developing nation, sadly there are so many rural areas that still lack basic health care facilities.”

Aliza emphasises on creating a friendly caregiving environment in old-age homes.

Radhika believes that the senior citizens should not restrict their movement and be constantly encouraged to perform yoga or practice some form of physical activity to retain their flexibility for as long as possible.

The youngsters were also asked to shed light on the common misconceptions & stereotypes that plague the lives of the elderly on a day-to-day basis, to which Aanchal reacted by saying,

“A lot of youngsters believe that elderly people are usually unwilling to become tech-savvy, but what is also true is that a lot of them are very much open to exploring technology with our help.”

Radhika said, “Young people often view the elderly as completely helpless, which is very inaccurate according to me. They also do feel that most elderly have conservative beliefs while that isn’t the case with all.”

Aliza voices her take by saying, “I feel like many younger people assume that all senior citizens experience a decline in their physical health. This could be the case at times but not always. I remember hiking in Missouri, getting out of breath, just when I saw a group of aged men running upward with full force.”

Misconceptions of this nature abound in our surroundings and we often end up not taking any note of it.

All the three youth feel that we have been made to function this way since ages but it is equally necessary to realize that it is our parents’ and grandparents’ first-time experiencing ageing too.

They are as much apprehensive and worried about the future as we are.

Let us not put our elders down.

Let us make sure that there does not come a day when they find themselves questioning,

“Is a little care too much to ask for?”

Read also:
What I learnt while managing my ageing mother
11 heartwarming ways to show empathy for the elderly