She hates it when her family tells her she can’t go out alone

By Anjali B.S.  

“I may have grown old, but I am still young at heart. I want to travel and see new places. But my family does not let me go out alone,” laments -75-year-old Devaki Amma (not real name), who lives with her daughter’s family in a Kerala village.

Devaki Amma lost her husband at a very young age. But she did not lose her zest for life. She would go out, meet relatives, and visit friends to overcome loneliness. She later moved in with her daughter.

As she grew older, her daughter’s family worried about her failing health, decided to restrict her movements.  Devaki Amma resents these restrictions.  “When I was young, I couldn’t travel much.  It was hard to leave home because of family responsibilities,” she says,

“But now my daughter’s family does not let me go out alone,” she says with a tinge of bitterness. She concedes that they may have a reason, but the restrictions leave her unhappy.

“The restrictions,” she says, “began after she fell down due to a spurt in her blood pressure.” After that, she was prohibited from going out alone.  “I now have to wait for a family member to accompany me, which means I have to depend upon others to go anywhere,” complains an unhappy Devaki Amma.

She thanks her grandchildren for being so supportive. “My grandkids are always there to support me. That’s how three years ago I could go on a 7-day-trip organized by my neighbours. It was a great experience to travel with friends,” she says nostalgically. She is, however, doubtful if she would be allowed to go on another such trip.

Devaki Amma has lived in a village all her life. Everyone knows her, and she wants to visit her neighbours. She finds sitting at home very stressful.  Often, she is overcome by memories and unhappy thoughts, and wants to spend more time in the company of her neighbours. “Chatting with neighbours is so refreshing,” she says.

Fortunately, Devaki Amma is financially independent. This gives her great mental strength. “I don’t have to depend upon my daughter’s family for my needs,” she says. She wonders how other aged women, especially those who have no money of their own, deal with the situation.

She also empathizes with the elderly living in cities. “In cities, people hardly have any time to meet each other. I can well imagine the emotional stress the elderly face there,” she says.

What keeps her going is the love and warmth of her daughter’s family, especially the grandchildren. They make up for the restrictions placed on her movement.

She only wishes that they would respect her wishes and let her move about freely instead of making her “a prisoner of their protective love”.

(The writer is a student of Matrubhumi Media School)

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