My top five ageing fears, and my happiness mantra

By Sunil Saxena

I am on the wrong side of sixties now. Old age did not worry me so far. But for the first time now ageing fears have started to haunt me.

I often wake up in the night.  For hours I lie awake in the bed or pace up and down in the balcony.  The floodlights mounted in the apartment complex do little to comfort me. Dark thoughts assail me.

Age is only a number, I tell myself repeatedly. It happens to everyone.  So, why should I let ageing fears overwhelm me?

So, what are these ageing phantoms?

The first obviously is health. How long will my body defy age?  I am terrified that my mind  will soon start playing tricks. My cognitive memory will decline, and forgetfulness will take over. It is a scary thought.

Will my knees give way? Today, there is knee replacement surgery; still the prospect is worrisome. So also, is incontinence. Will I lose control over my bladder and bowel movements? I shudder at the very thought.

This is not all. Stroke or paralysis is my ultimate nightmare. Will I be bedridden? Let’s not forget kidney or liver failure. When you meet elders who have lost vision or have suffered hearing loss your world starts crumbling. You don’t want to be in their shoes.

The second is loss of independence. I have always prided myself in the way I have ran my affairs. The thought of relying upon others is scary. Will I be forced to move in with my loved ones? How will it impact their lives? Will they start treating me as a burden? Will they ignore me, consider me in their way? I don’t want anyone’s pity.

The third is the effect of inflation on my retirement nest. Will it survive the onslaught of price rise, growing living costs, mounting health bills if I live for another 15 or 20 or maybe 30 years? I might have done diligent retirement planning, but like any middle-class professional the savings will not last forever. What will I do?

The fourth is the fear of outliving my friends. I have already lost some dear friends and relatives. More would soon go away. How will I fill my days if I have no one to turn to, only memories?

My fifth and greatest fear is losing my spouse. I can suffer everything else, but not this. My heart stops, my mind goes into a spiral when I think of this. But one of us will have to die first. I feel selfish if I am the first. How will she live? Who will rally around her as she ages? I worry that I have not done enough for her old age. The prospect of her going first is suffocating. I can’t imagine how I will live without her.

Fortunately, by morning the fears recede. The sunlight cheers me up. I feel refreshed, reinvigorated. The demons have receded, the ageing phantoms have gone.

I am gripped by a fresh resolve. Let’s make the most of these moments. Don’t let ageing fears strangle our present.

And from here comes my happiness mantra: Let’s age happily.

What are your biggest fears as you age? Share in the comments below.

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