My grandpa’s friend chooses solitude over company

BY ANOUSHKA SAXENA

The prospect of living alone in old age can seem daunting to some, but for others, it can be a way to retain their independence and maintain their sense of self-reliance. My grandpa’s friend, Mr Vasudev Kakkar, 84, who resides in Jodhpur, has been living alone for over 20 years now. He has four daughters, three of whom live abroad, while his fourth daughter lives in the same city.

Addressing the apprehensions of people of his age in regard to living away from one’s children at a vulnerable stage of life, Mr Kakkar says, “For all those who fear not having their children by their side when they need them to be there, all I’d say is, fear is nothing but a figment of imagination.”

Living alone does not worry him. “Having lived alone for a considerable amount of time, I can assure people my age, that it is an achievement to be able to look after yourself, even when your body does not allow you to do so.”

His advice to people in a similar stage of life is to shed fear. “Write it down on a piece of paper, that come what may, you will not fear anything that there is to come and see the changes for yourself. All your apprehensions will fizzle out in an instant.”

Born in the riot-torn Rawalpindi area of Pakistan, Mr Kakkar made a move to Patiala post-partition.

Throwing light on his share of struggles, he says, “Only those who have traversed through days where uncertainty peaked through the windows of our tattered homes know how big a battle they have waged. Hopping from one Gurudwara to another, seeking refuge wherever possible, had become a part of our daily routine until my family and I sought a permanent haven in Patiala.”

Mr Kakkar, spent a large part of his life carrying out a battle with himself and his past. However, the journey of leaving behind the painful memories of partition has only made him stronger.

Speaking of his early life, post his relocation to Patiala, Mr Kakkar says, “I studied diligently and grew up to become an easy-going person. After all the trauma that I had been through, I chose to approach life differently, with love and acceptance.”

He remembers switching jobs frequently. “I worked for the Central government, but something just did not feel right about it, so without giving it much thought, I joined the post office as the Superintendent.  I spent a considerable amount of time there but then I quit and became a sales representative,” he says with a chuckle.

He reminisces how free-spirited he was, not just when it came to his professional life, but even when it came to his personal or family life. He made sure to take things easy and deal with one day at a time.

“I grew up in a loving household with two sisters and three brothers. Right from the day I gained consciousness, I was always detached from my surroundings. I was not very close to any of my siblings and wandered around like a free bird, never having to rely on anybody.”

‘I did what made me happy’

My grandpa’s friend says, “The reason behind my contentment is that I never really attached much importance to claiming materialistic pursuits. I didn’t want to limit myself. Rather, I went on doing what made me happy. If my job made me unhappy, I chose to move ahead of it.”

He says if something bothers him for a long while, he leaves it where it is. “That is why as an 84-year-old, I am happy to declare that I have lived life to the fullest. I am happy to have always put myself and my needs first.”

Speaking of where he derives this great deal of strength and optimism from, my grandpa’s friend explains, “I seek hope from the teachings of the Osho organization. Moreover, I have always had a spiritual bent of mind, since I was a teenager. All the giant waves of pain that I have managed to successfully sail through have taught me nothing but to trust the process and to never give into challenges easily.”

He says, “If your mind tells you to stop, tell it to keep mum. Follow your heart, for it knows what’s best for you.”

Mr Kakkar strongly believes that this world runs on only one thing and that is love. “But most of us fail to adequately express it throughout the course of our lives,” he says with regret.

He would like the younger generation to demonstrate love whenever possible, for it transcends all boundaries. “The more you love yourself and those around you, all your shortcomings will seem to disappear,” he says with a smile.

My grandpa’s friend also wants the elderly to remember that it is their life. “Whether or not to lead a solitary lifestyle is a decision for you to make, but make sure that whatever it is that you choose for yourself, you ought to always put yourself first, because in the end, you are your closest companion and bestest mate.”

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