Life isn’t over till it’s actually over: Revisiting my grandmothers’ life journey

BY ANOUSHKA SAXENA

We often associate some of the most cherished memories from our childhood days with the engaging bedtime stories our grandmothers would narrate to us, every day, at night so we could sink into a deep slumber and wake up all fresh and beaming with energy the next morning to go to school.

“Once upon a time, there lived a king and queen.”

“In the end, they lived happily ever after!”

Lord knows how our grandmothers would always end up adding life to such monotonous stories. Growing up, we are constantly hooked to fictional stories which do not carry any symbolic importance, but it is very recently that I realized how crucial it is to also unravel my grandmothers’ life stories.

Behind their smiling faces, lies a deeper, more poignant tale of setbacks, heartbreaks, and frustration, and it was time that I switched from remembering my grandmothers for the princess stories they would recite to me and instead use their life-stories to channel my inner strength.

In an engaging dialogue with my grandmothers, I discovered the kind of experiences and situations they were exposed to throughout their lives, and despite all the roadblocks that came their way, how they continued to march forward steadfastly for the sake of their family.

Ms Neelima Saxena, my maternal grandmother (Nani), 72, was born and brought up in the culturally bustling alleys of Ujjain and moved to Bikaner post marriage owing to her husband’s job transfer. Her response to my queries:

Q. As a little girl, what was the one thing that you were extremely passionate about and were you motivated by your family to pursue the same?

A. Growing up, I could see how inclined my family was towards our culture, which propagated diverse forms of art ranging across singing, dancing, and writing. My father was once a renowned poet himself. As a kid, I was always pushed by my parents to sing in family gatherings and before I knew, singing became one of my cherished hobbies.

I did dream of becoming a singer for the movies, at one point. But given that there has always been a negative societal connotation attached to the film industry, I couldn’t make a career out of it.

However, I sincerely went on to pursue my higher education, for it was never disregarded by my parents. I did my Masters in Zoology, and even pursued a degree in Law, but not so I could become a scientist or a lawyer. My brothers and I were always told to study diligently and stock up as many degrees as possible, because they could come in handy at any point in the future, and one never really knows how. I wanted to become a college professor, though.

Q. You acquired multiple degrees, and you even shared that you were willing to become a college professor. What is it that stopped you from following your dreams then?

A. Post marriage, I was swamped with responsibilities. I wasn’t held back by my family. I took up a job as a teacher in a school to share the burden of the family expenses but my goal was not to stop right there.

I wanted to become a reputed college professor but couldn’t really muster the courage to take up that path and set out on a novel journey altogether. Looking after both my kids, managing the household expenses, juggling between the duties of a wife and a mother, I just couldn’t find the time to utilize my education and be who I wanted to be.

Q. If you’re given another opportunity to pursue your long-lost dreams and do something of your own now would you consider giving yourself a second chance?

A. Why not?

As long as I have my family by my side, I would definitely want to pursue everything I had to bid adieu to, in the past. No other person would feel lucky about it as much as I would do, for I know how badly I wanted to become a singer and then eventually a reputed college professor!

Familial responsibilities never really cease to exist, but I have reached a certain point in life now where I have both time and the willingness to start again. I am not sure if I will be able to put in the same youthful energy and passion into my work, but I am ready to put my best foot forward. I do plan on setting up a social media account and regularly uploading my music videos there. Having said that, I do hope that my voice becomes my identity someday.

Ms Bharti Saxena, my paternal grandmother (Daadi), 74, was born and brought up in Gwalior. She got married at the age of 19 and then moved to and settled in Delhi. Her response to my queries:

Q. You got married as a young girl of 19, but you must have had aspirations with regard to your career, and what your dream life would look like. Tell me all about it.

A. I have always been a vivid dreamer. I was not a trained classical singer, so tuning in to the radio and trying my hand at copying each and every song that would play, was basically my hobby. I would practice singing day in and day out, so much so that I had also started imagining myself becoming a Bollywood singer in the future.

We were six brothers and sisters. Both my family and I did not pay much heed to establishing a career or studying for the sake of picking up a profession. My father was against my talking with boys or staying out for long, but both my parents showered tremendous love on me, given that I was the youngest in the family.

Q. Can you picture an image for me to understand how your life looked after you got married?

A. I got married at 19, whilst studying Home Science. I was pregnant with my first child while appearing for my final year college exams. I come from a humble background. While my basic educational needs were adequately looked after, my family would always put more emphasis on getting married and settling in.

My dreams though vivid, were very small as compared to the bigger responsibilities that lay ahead of my married life. So, I don’t really remember having any other aspiration other than keeping my husband happy, right after marriage.

Q. Were you ever held back from doing the things you loved, such as singing, post marriage?

A. While my life did remain confined within the four walls of the kitchen, I didn’t realize, with the passage of time, that cooking had become an even bigger passion with singing being left behind, just as a side hobby. My husband remained supportive in all my life’s decisions, but it is I who chose to befriend the kitchen for life.

Q. If you were given an opportunity to restart your life, what would you do?

A. I would definitely want to appear in a cooking show, win the chef’s cap, cook to my heart’s content, just how they show on TV and getting the chance to appear on national television would of course be a bonus. But yes, I would definitely be willing to take my love for cooking to the next big level, if I am ever bestowed with such an opportunity

ON A PERSONAL NOTE: The next time you catch your grandparents sitting all by themselves, grab a chair right next to them, laugh around and frolic as much as you can because time waits for none.

Read also:
These 3 lessons I have learnt from my 90-year-old dadi that will stay with me forever