I missed my mother’s first symptoms of dementia, you should not

By Sunil Saxena

My mother showed the first symptoms of dementia almost two years ago. But we thought it was erratic behaviour, and spent more time counselling her than finding a cure.

This was a cardinal mistake. Today, dementia has set in, and my mother takes two tablets every day – Donep 5 after breakfast and Qutan 25 after dinner. The relief is minimal.

As per the neurologist, the damage has already happened. Some of the brain cells are dead. “We can only hope to slow down the disease now,” he says.

“You are not the only one who is struggling. I treat over two dozen patients who are in an advanced stage of dementia. Invariably, families don’t understand what is happening to their loved ones,” says the neurologist who is treating my mother now.

He says, “Physical ailments are easier to identify, and treat if they are not in an advanced stage. The elderly also experience relief. But there is no relief in the case of dementia. The patient just keeps going down.”

I didn’t think much of it when my mother repeatedly complained of insomnia. “I can’t sleep during the night.” This was almost two years ago. I checked with the doctor, and he started her off on a 0.25 mg sleeping tablet. But it did not help. The sleep did not come.

I thought that this was an ageing problem, and will go away once she steps up physical activity. But lack of sleep made her irritable. Or so we thought. She started snapping at the smallest of issues. Sometimes, I too would lose my cool as I thought that she was becoming more and more demanding and unreasonable.

As I look back, this was unfortunate. I did not know the first symptoms of dementia. My mother was gradually losing her mind. Her erratic behaviour was psychosomatic. It was not because she wanted to hurt me or show me down. Most of the time she was not aware of what she was saying or doing.

She started losing sense of time. I found it quite inexplicable when she woke me up in the middle of the night and wanted to know if it was day. Another time, she wanted to brush her teeth at 11 pm. since “the day had dawned”.

Then, one day she shook us up by asking where was she? She even wanted to know who am I? What am I doing in her house?

That’s when we decided to see a neurologist. He could immediately discern a pattern and wanted to know if she was “seeing” things. “Yes,” I said.

Only a few nights back she had complained of the bathroom been taken over by rats.” How can I ease myself? The bathroom is full of rats.”  I had to open the bathroom door and show her that there were no rats there.

I could understand her fear of rats. She was always scared of them. But I was not prepared for another outburst. “There are scores of dogs and cats in the kitchen. Do something.”

She was clearly imagining things which were affecting her mental balance. But her greatest fear was of “people in her room”. I would go and sit with her, and tell her that there is nobody in her room. But she would insist that there are unknown people who were trying to terrorise her.

She started sleeping with the bedroom lights switched on and the door open. Then, she demanded that the living room lights should also be on through the night.

To comfort her, and take away the fear of “unseen people terrorising her” I even started sleeping in the living room where she could see me.

There were other symptoms of dementia also. First, it started with her “inability to change clothes.” She wanted an attendant to help her with her clothes and bathing routine. Then, she started demanding that someone help her get out of the bed. “I can’t get up,” she would moan.

According to the neurologist, these are standard symptoms. “Don’t expect things to change,” he cautioned me.

If you are witnessing such changes in the behaviour of your loved ones please take action. Go, see a neurologist before it is too late.

Read: Life with my mother who has Alzheimer’s
When children become monsters: heartbreaking case of a Sonepat woman