How to deal with elders who repeat themselves

There can be nothing more exasperating than taking care of elders who repeat themselves. Such behaviour literally drives both family and health caregivers up the proverbial tree.

This condition can happen in elders suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. It can also happen to elders who are suffering from dementia or depression.

Any of these diseases, especially Alzheimer’s, can affect the short-term memory of your loved ones. When they are in grip of Alzheimer’s they are unable to store or process memory efficiently.

When this happens, you need to be patient. Don’t stop them or shout back at them. They will not understand why you are getting upset. Your behaviour will only hurt them and make them angrier.

Your best bet is to distract them or divert their attention from what is occupying them. One old woman would get extremely anxious when it was time for her nurse to leave. She would be torn with anxiety and would go into a mental loop. Again and again, she would want to know if the nurse would come tomorrow.

For such patients, the caregiver must come up with a distraction. They can ask her if she has finished her tea. Would she like some more biscuits? This will reduce the patient’s anxiety levels significantly, and she would start returning to normalcy.

Another elderly person would go into a tizzy whenever she saw her son going out. She would immediately want to know where he is going. When will he be back? How will she live alone while he is away? The questions would continue.

Fortunately, the son had tremendous patience. He understood why his mother was behaving like this. He would patiently answer all questions again and again though he may be seething in his mind.

The repetitiveness of such behaviour can be very irritating. But we should not forget that we are dealing with people who are not normal. They are not the same father or mother we grew up with.

What we must remember is that these are not random utterings. Your father or mother wants to engage with you. They are trying to catch and hold your attention.

It is for you to connect, and not to lose them. Alzheimer’s disease will not wait. It will continue to progress and you will be the ultimate loser.

So, engage with your parents, and give them an opportunity to recover. Don’t be frustrated with elders who repeat themselves.

Read: Life with my mother who has Alzheimer’s