How I learnt to cope with the fear of my mother passing away

By Arin Ahaan

My father died on May 30, 2015 after suffering from stage IV pancreatic cancer, leaving behind my mother and my brother.

His death shook me up. In fact, I can never forget that day when I got a frantic call from my mother, saying that my father was unresponsive. I rushed home to find that my mother was in a state of panic. She had been feverishly rubbing his palms and feet, hoping that warmth would return.

Even before I entered the room where my father was, I could hear my mother calling out my father’s name.

The moment I laid my eyes on my father, I knew that something was terribly wrong. I immediately called for an ambulance and rushed him to the nearest hospital. The doctor there told me that he was no more.

It was on that day that I was left with just one parent – my mother.

Since that day, I have been filled with anxiety as I do not know what I will do if my mother too passed away. There have been days when I have been consumed by that fear.

Gradually, I have begun to deal with this constant fear of losing my mother and I am sharing with you what I did to cope with it.

The first is to accept that death is normal and I am not alone in having this fear. People have to deal with their insecurities and I too have my insecurities. I have now managed to accept that death is inevitable.

The second is to list out my concerns.

Fear becomes a constant unending loop in my mind as I think about life without my mother. This negativity tends to spiral out of control. So, I have now written down my concerns about leading a life without both my parents. I turn to this list whenever I begin to feel anxious. The problems and their possible solutions have all been listed out.

For example, on who will manage my finances when both my parents are gone, I have identified a financial consultant who says he help me put my finances in order.

The third is to reiterate every day that things will work out just fine. I talk to myself and encourage myself, saying that today is going to be a beautiful day. I say positive things to myself and this helps to pep me up.

The fourth is to spend one day at a time. I don’t think too much about my future. I focus on the time that I now have with my mother. I treat her with kindness and that makes us happy. Even the few minutes that we spend talking, it fills me with positivity and hope.

The fifth is to remember the good times that I had with both my parents. While talking about my father brings back painful memories of the day he died, the pain has reduced over the years. I am now in a much better frame of mind.

Each person has his or her own way of dealing with the fear of losing a parent or a loved one. The only way to conquer that fear is to accept it and then work your way around it. I was able to reduce my fear of losing my mother. You too can do it.

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