How a nurse dealt with a dementia patient’s theft charges

As a nursing assistant, I am frequently assigned to work with dementia patients. Each assignment is a challenge but there is one that is burnt in my memory. The dementia patient was 83 years old and had been suffering from dementia for almost three years. Her cognitive powers were declining, and her family was finding it increasingly difficult to deal with her.

That is when they sought professional assistance, and I was asked to take care of the 83-year-old Ramita Amma.

Dementia is a cruel condition that robs elderly victims of their memories, cognition, and sometimes even their sense of reality. That is why working with dementia patients requires not only medical expertise but also immense patience, empathy, and understanding.

However, despite my vast experience as a health caregiver I was not ready for what was in store for me. From the moment I met her, I could sense her confusion and fear. She often appeared agitated and would accuse me of stealing her belongings, ranging from her favourite sweater to her treasured jewellery.

At first, I’ll admit, it was challenging to handle these accusations. Despite knowing that they stemmed from her condition rather than any wrongdoing on my part, it was disheartening to be constantly mistrusted and accused. There were times when I would sit alone in a corner and try to regroup. There were also times when I would break down. But I never showed these emotions to the patient or the family.

It took me considerable time and distress before I came to terms with Ramita Amma’s accusations. Here is how I finally dealt with them:

# 1. Through calm and patience: I learnt to remain calm and composed, even in the face of repeated accusations. Initially, I would react defensively or angrily and this only escalated the situation and caused distress to both me and the patient. I would take a deep breath and remind myself that her behaviour was only a symptom of the disease.

# 2. By validating her feelings: This was more difficult, but I got used to it.  Instead of dismissing Ramita Amma’s accusations, I learned to validate her feelings. I would say things like, “I understand you’re feeling worried about your belongings. Let’s look for them together.” This helped reassure her that her concerns were being heard and taken seriously.

# 3. By redirecting attention: I found that by distracting Ramita Amma with engaging activities or conversation helped shift her focus away from her misplaced belongings. Simple tasks like folding laundry or looking at old photo albums served as effective distractions and provided moments of comfort and joy amidst her confusion.

# 4. By maintaining a regular routine: Establishing a predictable daily routine helped provide a sense of stability and security. Knowing what to expect helped reduce Ramita Amma ‘s anxiety and minimize the frequency of her accusations.

# 5. Through empathy and reassurance: Empathy goes a long way in building trust and rapport with a dementia patient. I would constantly reassure Ramita Amma that I was there to help her and that her belongings were safe. Even if she couldn’t fully grasp the reassurance in the moment, the tone of empathy and care helped calm her down.

# 6. By involving family members: Depending on the severity of the accusations, I would turn to the family members and seek their support.  This involved small things like labelling belongings, keeping a log of important items, or moving jewellery to a safe place.

# 7. Through self-care: Finally, I realised the value of advice that was given to me in one of my nursing classes. The Senior Nurse wanted all nursing interns to prioritize self-care. “You can take care of difficult patients only if you don’t succumb to patient pressures,” she had told us. This is what I did. I summoned all my mental reserves to stand up to her.

However, despite the challenges and frustrations, I would say one thing. The brief moments of connection and the opportunity to make a positive difference to Ramita Amma’s life made it all worthwhile.

(The writer is a nursing assistant and wants to stay anonymous.)

Read also: A caregiver describes how heartbreaking it is to take care of the elderly
My first patient had dementia and she made me miserable