Coping with loneliness in old age

By Siddharth Pandey

Kishan Singh lives a simple life in the heart of Delhi. He gets up early – around sunrise. He bathes with cold water, though his son advises against it. He has his first cup of tea and a simple breakfast with his wife. On Saturdays, he stops by the temple before going to his ration shop. On other days, he heads straight to the shop.

Despite his old age, Kishan Singh has no troubles lifting the shutter of his shop. He believes it is a sign of robust health. The two boys that work at the shop arrive within the hour after Kishan Singh has lifted the shutter. He has a second cup of tea while he waits for them.

Often, he drinks this cup with other business owners in the locality. It used to be a large group, but the younger shop owners are indifferent to a morning cup of tea, or uncomfortable smoking in front of their elders. And most of the shop owners in the locality are increasingly younger than Kishan Singh.

The older ones have retired, passing their shops to their children. They stop by from time to time to visit their shop, and to look up Kishan Singh. With the tea done, Kishan Singh and the boys begin the day’s work.

“This shop means everything to me and my family,” Kishan Singh says with a rueful smile on his face. “When I sold my ancestral farmland to come to the city, this shop was my ambition. A businessman in the city,” he takes a pause to laugh, still pleased by the phrase that enamored him as a child.

“This shop supported my family. It gave my kid dreams. My son is an engineer and he lives in Canada. How was all of this possible?” He slaps the counter where he has sat for decades. “This shop.”

When there are no more ambitions …

But increasingly, Kishan Singh feels that the shop is all that he is left with. In his old age, loneliness has increasingly become an emotion he struggles to deal with.

He feels as if all his goals are now behind him. “I have always worked for something. And now, I don’t know why I am working. My wife asks me the same thing. My son tells me to sell the shop and make a long tour of Canada and America. But what will I do after the tour?” he asks.

And then reflects for a while before answering his own question. “Yes, I can stay with my son. But what will I do in a country where I can’t speak the language? Here, in this place, to this shop, I come to work. But also, I meet my friends. Many of them worked in this very area. Now, they have sold their shops or passed them down, and what do they do? They come here! Almost every day, they still come back.”

To fight against this lack of ambition, Kishan Singh has begun to find meaning in other activities. He does not want old age to weigh him down. He makes use of his day by taking rounds of the area. His wife looks after the shop during that time, generally from the afternoon to early evening. Kishan Singh converses with the people out and about in the market or drops by at the houses of the many friends that he has. Or else, he takes this time to run errands for his wife.

Finding new ways to occupy himself

The community he has built helps him deal with the aimlessness and loneliness of old age. It is one emotin that he is embarrassed to admit to anyone but his wife, who remains the strongest pillar of his life. He now joins his wife in the evening and watches the television shows that his wife sees. From reality television to travel shows on YouTube, the two find a variety of series to entertain themselves.

Recently, the two have started spending their free time trying to find documentaries. His main grievance is that there are no good documentaries available in Hindi. “We have enough people speaking Hindi. More Hindi documentaries would mean sharing more knowledge with the common people. That would certainly be a noble thing to do,” he says.

This is not the only reason why he wants filmmakers to make Hindi documentaries. He also sees a business possibility. “More viewers mean more money. The viewers will also feel happy.  This is how you build loyalty. We did the same, once upon a time. Others should also understand it too.”

Apart from his business acumen, Kishan Singh’s single advise to people dealing with loneliness brought about by old age is to try and be part of society, or make their own community. “It is hard, I agree. Especially if you are starting from the beginning. But look at it this way. If you are starting from the beginning, you have so much more to find out about other people. People can be a documentary in themselves.”

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