A lonely reality for the elderly in Kerala

By Anitha Kumar

In the quaint town of Kottayam, Kerala, the echoes of past Christmases linger in the memories of John Mathew George, an octogenarian who fondly recalls the days when the holiday season was a grand affair at their house.

All members of the family would gather for the festivities, which would start early and continue into the New Year.

“There would be great excitement as even great uncles and aunts would join the festivities. My home would be decked up for the occasion, complete with wreaths, garlands, ornaments and fairy lights,” recalls John.

He specially misses the wreath that was prepared for the front door. His sisters would mount seasonal shrubs and foliage around the wreath to welcome the guests. Even the windows were decorated to extend the festive cheer.

“But the greatest excitement happened around the Christmas tree. The entire household, especially the children, would decorate the Christmas tree and place presents underneath it. There was merriment all around,” says John.

He vividly remembers the festive feast that would follow. But time has moved on, and in place of animated chatter there is silence.

Today, John and his wife find themselves in a solitary celebration, eagerly awaiting a phone call from their son in Canada.

The desire for quality education has prompted a wave of young Keralites to pursue higher studies abroad. Many of them find jobs, get married, and never return home.

All that is left behind are elderly parents waiting for phone calls from their children who have settled abroad.

The societal shift has caused widespread repercussions for the elderly in Kerala. With nuclear families becoming the norm, the once close-knit joint family structure has crumbled. The extended families that were such a support have more or less vanished.

It’s crucial to understand the distinctions between family systems to grasp the depth of this issue. The joint family system, prevalent in Kerala’s past, involved multiple generations cohabiting harmoniously. In contrast, the nuclear family model consists of only one couple and their children, typically numbering four to five members. The shift to nuclear families has also brought changes in property inheritance, favouring the paternal line, and perpetuating a patriarchal structure.

As Kerala navigates the challenges of a changing demographic and societal structure, there is a pressing need for revaluation and building of support systems for the elderly left behind.

Read: Saluting the happy memories left behind by my Dad